laughingfairy

So I have basically been in panic mode since going and getting measured for a bra...see i haven't been measured for a bra in ten years...being measured has always been some type of trauma for me...from the first time in a major dept store when my mom went to look for training bras...I was starting fifth grade...as we try on training bra after training bra my mother is complaining that I am just "too fat"...a sales lady takes pity on us and asks my mother to proffesionally measure me.

To my mother's and my horrer I was a 36 C.  Now my ht was 5'2" give or take a little the same height I am today...I was a size 10 jrs.  My mother told me again that I was too fat...looking back on it I wasn't too fat...I was physically a woman. I had had my period for a  year...I had hips...and I HAD BREASTS...on came the baggy clothes...

So last friday I finally bite the bullet...

I usually buy the cheapest bra I can find at wally world or some place similar because i know they won't fit and they will just fall apart shortly...so after going to wally world and finding that the largest bra that they carry with the band size of 38 or even 40 cover ehhh about 50% of my breast and wanting to sit in the fitting room and cry as my boobs explode out the front and the sides with these "little" bits of fabric covering them (those little bits of fabric looked like conjoined baby bonnets on the rack)...I know what i had to do

I went and got measured at the local plus size store in the mall...I hate the mall with a passion it gives me the heeby jeebies but off i go...I get measured 42 DDD...I say I know that wont' work...the band is too big...i know that's what the numbers say but trust me on this...the band is too big...so we play around...final decision I need a 38 f/g depending on the particular bra...the very nice sales lady explains to me that even though I am big and short I have Barbie's infamous proportions...this is 14.5 inches differences between my waist and my hips...and close to that between my waist and my bust...clothes were just not made for that...

So i think to myself over the last couple of days...respectable nurse, mom, member of the community or not...I either need to start living in scadian garb that my MIL can make or maybe I just need to become REALLY goth...long skirts...chunky heels....and above all else custom made corsets...if you got it fluant it?  Besides I have the natural coloring for it...


I'm smaller now then I have been in 10 years...actually smaller then when I got pregnant with my first child...i'm still heavier...but ...More tone?  

Considering gastric bypass..I haven't seen a size 10 since I was 10...


I dont' know I feel really freakish...this isn't me is it? 

to all the people i am  friending...I am new to live journal and generally do not friend people on any of these many different type of sites without first sending a personal e-mail...but guess what...haven't figured that one out yet...

Reasons I am on here...

live journal link showed up on  pagan news group i am part of 

girlfriend and i had long talk about her daughter setting up a live journal account...daughter is 10...and the potential conflicts that contributes

mother in law showed me two live journal communities...one for sewing for yourself and one for ...BIG BOOB women which I have just really found myself thrown in with...I have known for sometime that I needed to be fitted for a correct bra and could not find a top, fitted lingerie etc that would fit me...but I have procrastinated and procrastinated...so i went this past friday...and OIY...I am a freak show...actually that is another piece of rambling

but basically live journal has been pointed  in my direction over and over in the last two weeks...so i joined and being the way i am  it is currently a compulsion...one i may loose one i may not...and i will quite blatantly say that I have a voyueristic streak that I LOVE to read peoples blogs...the more cathartic vomiting in your face here is my life it can be the better...

so anyone who i have friended and can not figure out why the hell i would other then randomness...there is probably a reason and when i figure out how the heck to send it to you  i will...

bright blessings and dark dreams